singleness – taboo

Two, four, six, eight! Who do we ap-pre-ci-ate?

Do you know that cheer? Ever notice the appeal of its even integers? All divisible by two. According to Encyclopædia Britannica, the number 2 symbolizes many of the basic dualities: me/you, male/female, yes/no, alive/dead, left/right, true/false, and so on. Dualities. Opposite, and yet complimentary.

False assumption #3:  If I am single, I don’t want to talk about it.

Prior to this weekend, I can’t remember the last time I talked about him. (Don’t get me wrong, I think about him just about every day. What I desire in him, for him, with him.) With these blog posts, it’s hard to “sit” in my singleness, to be quiet, and to let the Lord search my heart.

But this weekend, my happily-married best friend was in town, and she helps me find words. We talked a lot about him … about my recent blog posts and my non-negotiables. At lunch on Sunday, in between delicious bites of fresh New England lobster, Heather asked, “what do you think he will be like?”

It’s hard to say what I love more about her question: the confidence with which she asked or the day-dreaming monologue that followed.

“Kind. Funny. Athletic.”

“I hope he is a lot like my brother, Jeff…”

Sensitive. Intelligent.

“… and Jamie”

Thoughtful. Selfless.

“… and you.”

A heart that holds grief… and depth.

In many circles, talking about singleness is taboo. Just as talking about sex won’t make you pregnant, talking about singleness won’t make you celibate. It seems it’s just under “death” on the list of unmentionables. If I’m dating or married, guilt may be felt by your single status. And if you are dating or married, I may feel shame for wanting to be you. Therefore, we become incredibly uncomfortable… and silent.

BUT

I want to talk about my singleness. I want to be asked. I want it not to be the elephant in the room when I walk into a party, eat at a restaurant, or attend a wedding alone. Because in those places, I find freedom to daydream about my man. I wonder what he is reading. I picture his eyes when he smiles. I get curious about what he will call me. I imagine divorcing singleness.

I want to talk about my singleness. Because it’s my reality.

I want to talk about himBecause I want to believe God for things I can’t see.

That’s the duality of me.

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Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.                   ~ Hebrews 11:1

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One thought on “singleness – taboo

  1. Larry says:

    Sometimes things hurt and other people can see that or imagine it. Sometimes those people need to be invited into the hurt or the questions. Thanks for inviting us in Jill.

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