singleness – favorites

There are days when singleness feels like the elementary school game of Red Rover. You want to be sent to the other side. You wait and wonder. Will I be chosen?

Or fast forward a couple of years to the middle school playground.  You watch as your friends get picked for teams, and you stand among the disadvantaged. You keep waiting and wondering. When will I be picked?

False Assumption #9: I am single because I am no one’s favorite.

Being single does not equal being rejected.

In an ideal world, everyone would get to be someone’s favorite.  Everyone would be picked first. Everyone would be chosen. Some of the pain of rejection in singleness comes in the unbalanced nature of relationships. As an INFP, I have trouble with reconciling idealistic and romantic views of life with the reality of life. I have people who are my favorites.  And if I had my way, I’d spend every day with them. They are my dearest friends – my top priorities outside of Jesus. But here’s the thing – they have husbands, children, or necessary priorities. And so, I’m not their favorite.  And sometimes, that can be a painful reality.

It’s hard. It’s easy to believe lies and feel rejected. It’s easy to feel flawed. It’s easy to feel shame of not being ____ enough. {insert positive adjective of choice} It’s easy to fall into mistakenly believing, I’ve given my life to God, but there’s still no Boaz.

But I have Someone who refuses to let me compromise the truth that He has chosen me, pursued me, loved me. He calls me, Beloved.


“It is, I think, that we are all so alone in what lies deepest in our souls, so unable to find the words, and perhaps the courage to speak with unlocked hearts, that we don’t know at all that it is the same with others.”~ Sheldon Vanauken, A Severe Mercy


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