the only one

It is difficult to be beautiful to only God.

Confused? I am.

It is complicated.

To write it feels like I want to cheat on God. To take my life’s puzzle that belongs to Him and go elsewhere to look for that final piece to complete it.

But it’s true.

It is abstract, intangible, and, if I’m really honest, ostensibly insufficient.

I imagine the confidence that comes with being someone’s bride.

Adored.

Affirmed.

Wanted forever.

Because he found me beautiful.

The irony? Those are true of God.

It’s just really hard that He’s the only one.

__________________________________________________

It’s a lonely truth and a weary day of singleness. I know conceptually that I am beautiful to God.  But today, in this fragile moment, I want to be be called beautiful by my man, known as “babe” to his friends, adored by his nephews and nieces for my giftedness in sidewalk chalk art, and cheered for the best spinach omelette he’s ever tasted.

So I’ll just wait here, in my best raggedy tee shirt. 🙂

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5 thoughts on “the only one

  1. Larry says:

    Sometimes I think our desire to be affirmed by those around us is an extension of our desire to be affirmed by our Maker. The lesser points to the greater. So when you want to hear “you are beautiful” from a lover, could it be that somewhere deeper inside you want to hear it from God and really feel it much in the same physical, visceral way?

  2. Jill Barlow says:

    Great question, Larry. And I do agree, but I think I could also argue the opposite. In the garden, presumably for a reeeally long time (since Adam had to think up names for every living creature), it was just God and Adam. Was it 100% contentment? Was their relationship all-sufficient? If so, why *God’s* decision to make Eve?

    • Larry says:

      I think God certainly made us for each other, but the real question is, why? Perhaps not as an end to itself, but to point to Him. I’m just saying that our yearning for each other is not a bad thing, is a thing made by Him even, but is not the whole picture either. Intimacy, community, love… these are all marks of our Maker and point us back to Him.

      On another note, I’ve been reading the mystics lately. I think they’re soaking in a little.

  3. heather says:

    great post friend.
    i ❤ u

  4. Brittany Y. says:

    This is just beautiful, friend. And so honest. One of the traits I really love and admire about you.

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